Blurb
I died from exhaustion in a world that never wanted me. When I opened my eyes again, I was no longer a nameless office worker... I was the beloved daughter of a duke inside a novel I once read. But here's the problem: I'm not the heroine. I'm not the villainess. I'm just the "ex-friend" side character who was supposed to fade away quietly. That was my plan too- ...until I stumbled upon a black dragon's egg. Until it hatched and called me "Mother." Until it transformed into a child and dragged me into the center of every noble's gossip, every battle, and... every man's heart. Now the male lead won't stop appearing in my life, the second male lead keeps getting too close, and even the villain himself seems interested in me.
And worst of all? The so-called heroine is furious that everything she wanted... is becoming mine. I never asked for this. But if fate insists on putting me in the spotlight- then fine. I'll shine brighter than anyone else.
Original (First 500)
Warmth.
It was the first thing I felt. The kind of warmth I had never known in my life.
When I opened my eyes, sunlight spilled across silk curtains the color of dawn. My body sank into a mattress so soft I thought I was still dreaming.
"Celestria, you're awake."
I froze. The voice was gentle. Loving. So unlike the one I grew up with.
A woman sat by my bedside, her golden hair coiled elegantly, her emerald eyes shimmering with relief. She reached out and touched my cheek as though I were the most precious thing in the world.
"My darling daughter, you frightened me. You've been asleep for so long."
Daughter.
The word pierced through me. My throat tightened. My adoptive mother had only ever spat that word at me like a curse. But this woman...she said it as though it were a blessing.
"...Mother?" My voice cracked.
Her eyes softened further, and she gathered me into her arms. "Yes, I'm here. Your mother is here."
I couldn't stop it. Tears burned my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. I clutched her gown as if she would vanish.
She stroked my hair patiently. "Shh, you're safe. Your father and brother will be overjoyed to hear you've woken."
Father? Brother?
I pulled back, blinking rapidly. My gaze darted across the room -- gilded furniture, crystal vases, walls adorned with paintings that looked centuries old. Nothing about this resembled my dingy apartment or the office where I'd collapsed.
And then...memory hit me like storm.
The novel.
I knew this place. I had read these very descriptions.
This was the Arden Duchy. The home of Celestria Arden, the duke's beloved daughter. A side character in the story.
My heart pounded in my chest. If I was here, that meant...
I wasn't the heroine.
I wasn't the villainess.
I was the girl destined to stand in the background until she disappeared from the story altogether.
The door burst open before I could breathe.
"Celestria!"
A tall man with silver hair and commanding presence rushed in -- the Duke himself. Behind him, a boy around my age with stormy blue eyes barreled past, nearly tripping in his haste.
"Sister!" the boy cried, grabbing my hand.
I stared at them -- at the father and brother I'd never had in my real life.
They looked at me as though I were their treasure.
My lips trembled. This wasn't possible. None of this was possible.
And yet, when my father's large hand rested protectively on my shoulder and my brother grinned as though I'd hung the moon, I couldn't help but whisper the one truth my heart knew:
For the first time in my life...I was loved.
Warmth.
It was the first thing I felt. The kind of warmth I had never known in my life.
When I opened my eyes, sunlight spilled across silk curtains the color of dawn. My body sank into a mattress so soft I thought I was still dreaming.
"Celestria, you're awake."
I froze. The voice was gentle. Loving. So unlike the one I grew up with.
A woman sat by my bedside, her golden hair coiled elegantly, her emerald eyes shimmering with relief. She reached out and touched my cheek as though I were the most precious thing in the world.
"My darling daughter, you frightened me. You've been asleep for so long."
Daughter.
The word pierced through me. My throat tightened. My adoptive mother had only ever spat that word at me like a curse. But this woman...she said it as though it were a blessing.
"...Mother?" My voice cracked.
Her eyes softened further, and she gathered me into her arms. "Yes, I'm here. Your mother is here."
I couldn't stop it. Tears burned my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. I clutched her gown as if she would vanish.
She stroked my hair patiently. "Shh, you're safe. Your father and brother will be overjoyed to hear you've woken."
Father? Brother?
I pulled back, blinking rapidly. My gaze darted across the room -- gilded furniture, crystal vases, walls adorned with paintings that looked centuries old. Nothing about this resembled my dingy apartment or the office where I'd collapsed.
And then...memory hit me like storm.
The novel.
I knew this place. I had read these very descriptions.
This was the Arden Duchy. The home of Celestria Arden, the duke's beloved daughter. A side character in the story.
My heart pounded in my chest. If I was here, that meant...
I wasn't the heroine.
I wasn't the villainess.
I was the girl destined to stand in the background until she disappeared from the story altogether.
The door burst open before I could breathe.
"Celestria!"
A tall man with silver hair and commanding presence rushed in -- the Duke himself. Behind him, a boy around my age with stormy blue eyes barreled past, nearly tripping in his haste.
"Sister!" the boy cried, grabbing my hand.
I stared at them -- at the father and brother I'd never had in my real life.
They looked at me as though I were their treasure.
My lips trembled. This wasn't possible. None of this was possible.
And yet, when my father's large hand rested protectively on my shoulder and my brother grinned as though I'd hung the moon, I couldn't help but whisper the one truth my heart knew:
For the first time in my life...I was loved.
Critique
The blurb is great. For most posts on this blog, I try to provide a more compelling or cohesive blurb than the author provided — that wasn’t necessary here. The author describes her story beautifully.
The first line, “I died from exhaustion in a world that never wanted me,” is intriguing but heartbreaking. In the next line, she opens her eyes, and in the line after that, she’s a character in a novel. Each successive line escalates with more intriguing detail: from a world that never wanted her, to being fine with being a side character destined to fade out of the story, to this crescendo:
But if fate insists on putting me in the spotlight-/then fine./I'll shine brighter than anyone else.We do get a bit Mary Sue-ish. Every guy in the book falls in love with her, including the villain. But I’m fine with it. I’ve never had a problem with self-insert characters; they get to be what I want to be; the smartest, most talented, most desirable person in the room. A character doesn’t need to be fatally flawed to be interesting. Conflict and tension can come from choices, rivals — life.
Similarly to the blurb, the writing in Chapter 1 is poetic, and in fact repeats a couple of the same lines as she realizes she’s a character in a book: “I wasn’t the heroine./I wasn’t the villainess.” The next line differs from the blurb: “I’m just the ‘ex-friend’ side character who was supposed to fade away quietly.” This feels contemporary and slightly jarring against the poetic rest of the blurb.
The line in the book, “I was the girl destined to stand in the background until she disappeared from the story altogether,” is much stronger. It matches the poetic feel of the prose and says so much. Compare “ex-friend” to “girl”: an ex is nebulous — the victim or the villain — whereas “girl” feels more innocent, less powerful. Compare “fade away quietly” to “disappeared completely”: both are beautiful, but “disappeared completely” is so final.
Setting
Here are some setting descriptions: “sunlight spilled across silk curtains the color of dawn” and “a mattress so soft I thought I was still dreaming” scream luxury even before we get to “gilded furniture, crystal vases, walls adorned with paintings that looked centuries old.”
The setting tells us the MC didn’t wake up as a peasant on a straw mattress or a hard, cold ground. She woke up as a princess (daughter of a duke — but what’s the diff?). We get texture with silk, soft, gilded, crystal. For color, we get “the color of dawn.” There’s just enough imagery for the reader to fill in the details without slowing the pace of the MC’s realizations.
That said, the room could use a few more colors and some additional physical description. The bed could be a canopy, there could be a chest of drawers, candlelight, or a book that her mother is reading before Celestria wakes up — something period-specific to set the scene. Very short mentions of clothing would help too: a “brocaded gown” for the mom, “doublet and hose” for the father and brother would immediately evoke a medieval vibe.
Characterization
The heart of this chapter beats through the MC’s interactions with her new family. Her mother’s “golden hair coiled elegantly” and “emerald eyes shimmering with relief,” the father’s “commanding presence,” and the brother’s “stormy blue eyes” all frame a scene overflowing with tenderness. The mother touches her cheek “as though I were the most precious thing in the world,” and the father and brother “looked at me as though I were their treasure.”
What saves the reader from going into sugar shock is the MC’s memory of her old life. When her mother calls her “daughter,” the MC thinks, “My adoptive mother had only ever spat that word at me like a curse. But this woman… she said it as though it were a blessing.” That contrast gives the emotion its weight.
As someone who’s been abused and neglected, the MC could react with suspicion or discomfort — but instead, she cries and accepts the affection. That choice tells us she’s not naive, just starved for love. Even her calm acceptance of waking up in a novel feels believable: people who’ve survived chaotic households are experts at adapting to sudden shifts in reality.
The family’s one-note warmth works here because the chapter ends before it overstays its welcome. If the chapter lingered longer, we’d need a little more complexity. Even naming the parents and brother would add dimension.
The brother could use a distinct moment. He’s uninhibited; maybe he climbs onto the bed before being gently scolded. How the parents handle that tells us more about the household’s emotional rules than paragraphs of exposition could.
Finally, it might help to clarify whether the MC still has her own memories or any of Celestria’s. Her physical state — any lingering pain or dizziness from Celestria’s “injury” — could also ground the scene. Those small details of body and memory would make this lovely, dreamlike opening feel just a little more real.
Conflict/Tension
Conflict doesn’t come from tension between characters or the MC’s rejection of her situation. Instead, it comes from remembered loneliness and pain. The height of tension is a hug:
“I couldn’t stop it. Tears burned my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. I clutched her gown as if she would vanish.”That is heartbreaking. The last line is similarly heartbreaking:
“For the first time in my life...I was loved.”This feels positive on the surface, but “the first time” carries a lifetime of conflict in the background. Imagine living an entire life without feeling love — there’s so much unspoken tension for the reader to fill in. It’s a very powerful statement.
Final Thoughts
Waking up in a novel isn’t original, but it’s rare. Waking up as a side character? That’s intriguing. I love the idea of exploring a world you know so well, like walking through a painting and seeing what’s out of frame. What happened off-page that you now get to be part of?
The blurb promises action, intrigue, and romance — I’m excited to read further.
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