Wednesday, October 15, 2025

The Placeholder by Mindful Imaginist on Wattpad

Blurb

In rain-soaked Dublin, Aoife begins to unravel the life she thought was hers, discovering that love, identity, and belonging are not given — they are claimed.

Aoife Brennan planned the perfect night to celebrate the life they were building. But when the clock strikes midnight, she learns that some truths don’t crash down; they unravel, quietly.

Set in the rainy corners of Dublin, The Placeholder is a story of love mistaken for fate and the quiet ache of being someone’s almost.




Original (First 500)

The clock struck six.

It was a quiet sort of evening, the kind she used to dream of when she was a little girl -- soft rain tapping the windows, cinnamon-scented candles flickering in glass jars, and the promise of love hanging in the air like the scent of the stew simmering on the stove. Except it wasn't a dream anymore. It was her first wedding anniversary.

And he wasn't home.

Aoife Brennan stood in front of the mirror, smoothing the folds of her navy silk dress. She had curled her hair just the way he used to say he liked it when they were younger -- back when he still laughed with her over burnt cookies and muddy shoes. Back when they were friends.

Her eyes flicked toward the hallway. Silence.

She'd taken the day off from the children's hospital -- cancelled four appointments, rescheduled a critical consultation, and sent an apologetic message to a new mother whose baby had colic. Everyone had understood. After all, even one of the best pediatricians in Dublin deserved a break to celebrate her first anniversary.

But the person she'd planned the day for didn't even know what she'd sacrificed.

The house smelled like roasted rosemary chicken and chocolate fondant. His favorites. In the living room, a playlist of the songs they used to love in school hummed softly under the clink of glassware. The bath was drawn. Warm. Scented. She'd even booked a couples' massage -- at home, discreet, romantic.

And still no sign of him. 

It wasn't unusual -- not anymore. Ronan had grown distant. At first, she'd told herself it was work. Then stress. Then his father's expectations. Lately, she wasn't sure what lie she was feeding herself anymore.

They'd been childhood friends. Always in each other's pockets. First snowball fights, then rooftop conversations, then shared dreams of what life might become. Their marriage had made sense -- to their families, at least. The O'Sullivans and Brennans had been allies in business long before Aoife and Ronan knew what alliances even meant. But it hadn't felt arranged. Not then.

She had loved him. Quietly. Patiently. She had thought he would come around. 

But these days, he wasn't even her friend. 

She checked the phone again. Still nothing. Last message was from this morning. Just a curt:

"Will be working late. Don't wait up."

But she had.

It was now eleven thirty. The bath was cold. The chicken had dried in the oven. The fondant had collapsed slightly in the center.

Still, she sat, watching the door. Watching the clock.

It struck midnight.

She stood, slipped out of her heels, and pulled a cardigan over her dress. The rain had started to thicken into a proper downpour. She couldn't ignore the tight coil in her stomach any longer -- the one that whispered something was off. Wrong.

She tried calling him. Once. Twice. Voicemail.

On impulse, she grabbed her keys and rushed to the car.

The pub near his office -- the same one he always slipped into with his colleagues -- was twenty minutes away.



Critique


I love this. There are a couple of small nitpicks — like how she has stew on the stove but later it’s rosemary chicken in the oven — and a couple of structural quirks, but overall, the scene is beautifully set, the characterization is subtle but detailed, and the tension is abundant. 

You can’t really get much better for the first 500 words of a novel. I didn’t write a revision because mine would have such minor tweaks that you probably wouldn’t even notice the difference. So instead, we’ll just focus on the author’s writing: what works, and what doesn’t.

This entire chapter is a quiet escalation of nothing happening. We start at 6 p.m., with Aoife recreating her childhood fantasy — candles, food, “and the promise of love hanging in the air.” And he’s not here.

We zoom from her childhood fantasy to the mirror. She wears her hair the way he “used to say he liked it.” Oh my god, gut stab! When was the last time this man even complimented her?

Then we go through all the appointments she canceled or postponed to make this night special for him. A couple of small notes here: she’s a doctor — clearly successful and organized — so why wouldn’t she have planned this in advance? Why would she need to cancel appointments instead of just blocking the day off, with a colleague covering emergencies?

Also, the placement of this passage feels awkward. We start with the warm, sensory scene — decorated apartment, good smells — then zoom in to Aoife at the mirror, and then suddenly zoom way out to her career. I think that bit would work better later, maybe when she’s in the car on her way to find him. That would be a good time to fume about her sacrifices.

Okay, now we’re back to the dreamy apartment atmosphere: his favorite food in the oven, the bubble bath warm and waiting. The only awkward part here is the mention of the couples’ massage. No one else shows up, and she never cancels it, so it feels like a loose thread. Plus, bringing strangers into the setup kind of kills the intimacy the author is building, so I’d leave that detail out.

Anyway — back to the vibe: food, music, bath — and he’s still not here. And just as we’re starting to worry he’s been in a car accident or something, we get: “It wasn’t unusual — not anymore.” WHAT?!

Wait. Our lovely, angelic Aoife has gone out of her way to create this warm, romantic anniversary evening — and she’s not even surprised that he stood her up? This story just took a turn. 

That’s the good record scratch, writing-wise. But then comes the bad one: we learn that he texted her that morning to say he’d be working late and not to wait up. So… what the heck? Why has she been expecting him? Why did she draw a warm bath at 6 p.m. when she knew he’d be working late? Why is his dinner getting cold in the oven after he told her not to wait?

Let’s pretend that didn’t happen, because everything else — aside from this and the appointment passage — escalates beautifully, with a romantic, melancholic tone. Every new detail adds context, layering hope, anticipation, and disappointment. Until this text. It makes her look naïve, and it makes the reader feel tricked — like we’ve been pulled out of Aoife’s head. So, no text message. Or, if there is one, it should come around 7 p.m., after she’s already set everything up.

Moving on: she tries his voicemail a few times. At midnight, she grabs her keys. She’s going to the pub to find him. That’s where the excerpt ends.

Setting
Warm cozy apartment, good smells, good songs. Overall, strong setting. 

Aoife’s head is the setting within the setting. Her narration, though, is a little disorganized. As mentioned earlier, we start with her childhood fantasies, then zoom into her reflection (and that first subtle crack: “he used to say he liked it”). Then we zoom out to her career, then to Roman’s distance, then to their friendship-turned-marriage, and finally — we wait.

The writing is evocative, but the structure could be cleaner. I’d start with the childhood fantasies, then move into the development of their relationship — “always in each other’s pockets” — followed by her reflection and the first indication of unhappiness. Then Roman’s distance. Then the revelation that she knew he wasn’t head over heels, that she agreed to marry him thinking their friendship could grow into something deeper.
She had loved him. Quietly. Patiently. She had thought he would come around.

But these days, he wasn't even her friend.
Oof. Gut punch. This is such a strong passage, because friendship is the backbone of their relationship. The idea that her closest friend doesn’t even tell her he won’t be coming home — that’s not just the betrayal of a marriage; it’s the betrayal of their entire history. 

He doesn’t have to love her romantically, but he could at least act like a friend. Or, bare minimum, a decent human being.

After this, I would go with the revelation that their relationship worked as an alliance between their two families. That would keep this information fresh in the reader's head for what comes after the excerpt (yes, I read ahead. I always read ahead, I just try to keep my focus on the first 500 words).

If the structure followed that sequence, we’d build the expectation of a romantic anniversary, then gradually dismantle it. By the time we hit the “arranged marriage” reveal, the intimacy we’ve been clinging to would be completely gone — the perfect moment for her to grab her keys and go.

Characterization
Aoife is smart, capable, organized, and tenderhearted. She’s not impulsive or dramatic — she believes in the kind of love that grows from loyalty and shared history. Still, she does her part: candlelight, music, bubble baths, dresses. Her love for Roman is real and deep, and so is her pain. Losing him as a husband would hurt — but losing him as her friend is devastating.

The author does a great job of keeping Aoife from seeming like a doormat. Aoife's practicality about their marriage means that she wasn't foolish or masochistic to plan and carryout this whole anniversary set up. It was her last gasp of hope for the relationship, that Roman would step up and treat her as though she was a human worth some kind of goddamned dignity. (Sorry, I got a little heated.)

Roman’s characterization needs some work. Lines like:

“They’d been childhood friends. Always in each other’s pockets. First snowball fights, then rooftop conversations, then shared dreams…”

That’s a nice summary, but it could describe anyone. What specifically defined their friendship? Does he get her into trouble, or out of it? Did he get her into trouble or out of it? Where did they hang out? What were their dreams? 

We know Aoife is a doctor — but what was his path? What drives him? All we know is his name, that he has a job, and that he cancels anniversaries via text. We do know his favorite meal — rosemary chicken with fondant for dessert — and that Aoife cooks it for him. It’s a lovely, specific detail that adds warmth to her, but we still need a reason to fall for him, too. 

If we want to be as devastated as Aoife is, we need to be in love with him, too. The first couple of paragraphs would be the perfect time to build up what she believed was his character, and with a sprinkle of little mementos around the house that show his thoughtfulness, whereas the rest of the scene shows her.

Conflict/Tension
This entire passage has no dialogue — one text message (we’re ignoring it) and no action beyond waiting. Dinner’s done, she’s dressed, the bath’s drawn — yet the scene crackles with tension.

That tension comes from expectation and denial. The entire room is set for two, and there’s only one. The author nails this with small beats: The author sells the tension with little asides like, "Her eyes flicked toward the hallway. Silence." Or, "She tried calling him. Once. Twice. Voicemail."

The reader starts to wonder if something bad happened — and then realizes, no, he just doesn’t care. Their decade of friendship has eroded into indifference, or worse, contempt.

Because think about it: if Roman simply didn’t love her romantically, he’d say so. He’d rely on their shared history and basic human empathy to communicate that. But for him to let her sit alone for hours, waiting, without a word — that’s punishment.

But, for what? What turned warmth into this cold contempt? And what twisted his one-time open affection toward her into this utter contempt? Nothing that we've learned from Aoife's POV points to a reason for this change. So, either she's the most unreliable narrator known to man, or he has been affected by something his wife is not aware of.

Amazing questions for a reader to have, halfway through the first chapter of a book. Tension? Yes, here you go, all you can handle. You want some more? Here, here's some more!

Final Thoughts


I think that we've established that we've got an excellent opening, rife with the three elements that I look for at the start of a story (setting, character, DRAMA). Plus, beautiful evocative writing. Even with the notes on structure that I had, this beginning has me locked and loaded to read the rest of the book.

I wanted to address something happening in the text of this book outside of the narration, without disrupting the flow of the critique. Every few paragraphs, there’s a note reminding readers that this book belongs to the author, and that if they find it anywhere else, it’s stolen. Her frustration is completely valid — theft is awful — but I think this approach backfires.

Yes, it may help her track stolen copies, but it also interrupts the reader’s experience. It’s jarring. You can’t control or stop theft entirely, and trying to will only steal your own energy and your readers’ immersion. Pick your battles carefully. Keep the fights that don’t serve the story off the page. Punish the thief, not the reader.

It's a shame to see beautiful storytelling scarred by what's happening to the author in real life. I don't say all of this to call the author out (I doubt she'll ever see this), I just wanted to note that in case this becomes a tempting option if you find yourself in a similar situation.

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